Having Healthy Arguments with your Partner

One of the problems associated with modern relationships is how arguments develop. Arguing on its own is not actually a problem. The issues arise in how one argues and to keep it constructive. Most people who have been in relationships understand how easy it is for serenity and tranquillity to transform into a shouting match, accusations, dead stares and hostility. In this context, partners may end up arguing to just get back at one another, rather than solve the situation. Constant arguing can create feelings of resentment, weakening the love and passion of any relationship. In this article, we shall be discussing what to do and avoid when arguing.

Winning or losing should not be the point

When arguing, it is quite easy to adopt the approach you would in court. When it becomes a matter of winning the argument at all costs, feelings are hurt along the way. This makes it difficult to restore kindness, communication and connection. Although someone might win the argument, in the long-term the outcome would be a lose-lose situation.

One example of toxic behaviour is when one partner makes a mistake and they are immediately judged. To top it all off, reference is harshly made to previous mistakes. One shortcoming should not be used to portray that everything else is wrong. This would create a large flow of issues which makes the argument difficult to maintain in a constructive manner.

Don’t try to get back at your partner

Holding grudges quickly dampens the spirit of a relationship. If you are constantly awaiting the opportunity to get back at your partner for something that he or she did, you will eventually get it, but the cost may be too high for the relationship. Sometimes we tend to forget how to move forward in favour of blaming someone for starting the whole thing. 

Treat the argument as if it is taking place in front of the kids

Keeping yourself composed when arguing is necessary. When arguing, always imagine that your children are present and force yourself to act in a way which sets the right example. Screaming, insults and shouting might do more harm than good.

Do not go back to previous arguments if they were resolved

If an argument took place and it was resolved, it does not make sense going back to it. This will make things even more convoluted. Bringing up past unpleasant emotions can only accelerate the argument, making matters worse.

Expressing arguments in a healthy manner promotes better relationships. Adopting these tips helps minimise relationship toxicity.

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