Have you ever imagined that children could be the sledgehammer that has destroyed your romantic relationship?
A 30 years study has proven that children are the major cause of divorces. The New York State University study showed that couples with children are about twice more disappointed by their relationship than the one who does not have children, and the figures are worst when it concerns an unexpected pregnancy.
If you ask a person about their overall happiness, usually work and relationships come up as the most discussed topics: Clearly the two places we spend most time in, where people become family.
Do we really need studies to imagine how hard the daily like of parents can be? The daily task mostly the mother goes through, such as feeding, washing, nappy changing and keeping up with the chores, are very energy and time consuming. When pressure increases in the household, it is important to work together in keeping a positive and a healthy environment. A common issue is how the woman’s lifestyle, her role in the household changes completely when she becomes a mother. Being a mother is completely different than being a father and completely different from the role of a childfree woman.
Let’s talk about dads. Dads are the least important and spoke about in the family. When a child is born, all the attention is drawn to the child and the mother. It is hard, and probably impossible to understand what a man goes through when his partner is giving birth, and from that moment after. A man’s life, point of view , pressures and responsibilities come to a new dimension, which is also very overwhelming. It is not just the mothers who need help, Dads can have their depressive phases as much as their mothers do. The care, and attention a father needs to give to the mother, the child, the work can be very hard. Ask a man who is going home to his wife who has postnatal blues : We should know more about the role of a father, and men should be helped and given dedicated attention during this period of time.
The optimistic , or the person who has never experienced such life changing events, will say that these elements will just superficially impact the relationship. But it is completely untrue!
Stress, leading to anxiety and possibility of depression, changes the dimension a couple is used to living in, and the next small issue, will become an accumulation of the other, which will mentally and physically devastate the parents.
Nature is what it is. Nature drives us to increase and multiply. At some point we all get a paternal or maternal instinct. This happens when you realise that your true happiness will be watching your children grow and that it worth the love life sacrifice. Which is in fact the truth. Nothing good in life comes easy, let alone great. If you want something great, it comes at a cost. It should never come a t the cost of your relationship. It is not the baby, which is creating all the issues in your relationship, It is the change, and the way both, the mother and the father react to change, and how much they see a partner out of each other, rather than an enemy.
We should completely forget the “children first” mantra and put the personal development back at the first place of priorities.